When I mapped this whole thing out I knew right away that I wanted to focus on the social — rather, love — lives of geeks, nerds, dorks, dweebs, and so forth and so on because I felt like it belonged amongst the topics. We may not collect partners the same way we do Pokémon cards, or spend the same amount of time stressing over a date outfit as we do over beating the new Call of Duty, but we’re not pariahs. We do date and fall in love for the most part. Some of us may feel like we’ll never find “the one” but that’s to be said of anyone, nerd or not. There’s someone out there for everyone and this month we’re going to talk to a lovely lady trying to connect singles in LA, I’ll thank those who never gave me the time of day, and we’ll figure out the best places to wine and dine a geek.
Social Lives Facts & Stats
- There are dating sites out there for every kind of person — from cat lovers to farmers and, yes, even nerds.
- Don’t feel like you’re the only one who isn’t dating. According to a 2014 survey, 44% of adults in the US are flying solo.
- If you’re more of an in-person kind of dater, a lot of conventions are now offering speed dating. Stay up to date with some of them here.
- Maybe conventions are the way to go. That same survey said only 2% of men and 9% of women have found a relationship at a bar.
- It may not be scientifically proven, but the advice you should have going into dating is to always be yourself. It may sound cheesy, but if they don’t like the real you, who the hell do they like? Your evil clone?
Fan Focus: The Fangirl and The Gamer
There was never a doubt in my mind who I wanted to interview for this month. Had Carly and her fiancé Bryan said no, I would’ve just sat there like a bummed puppy. Luckily they agreed to share their tales with me and you, so let’s get started because they had a lot to say.
Like Jim and Pam, Carly and Bryan met at work. They can both recall their initial introduction on his first day, but remember their official meeting vividly because that’s when Bryan messed something up and Carly was the superhero that saved the day.
Three years later they’re engaged, living together, and opening one another up to different fanatic realms. She’s a socially awkward girl with a knack for pop culture and what she dubs “useless” trivia who’d gone for “dirty rockers” in the past. He’s a self-proclaimed movie and video game buff who was once the Sony Playstation message board moderator. Together they’ve got a plethora of pets with names inspired by everything from Doctor Who to Mean Girls and back to Carly’s love (other than Bryan of course), Loki. They also live the life as the reigning champs of their office Halloween costume contest and have made it a family tradition to vacation at Comic-Con.
Kendra: Why do you think it’s harder for nerds to go out and socialize?
Carly: I think before it was because nerds were labeled socially awkward and now it’s like this big competition. Who’s nerdier than who? I think Hollywood may have also placed unrealistic expectations on geeks. Not all women are going to look like Kristen Bell and not all guys are going to look like Zachary Levi. Personally I don’t have crushes on either one, but hopefully you get my meaning. Some of us just look like us. I’ve always liked the oddball. Glasses and t-shirts can be sexy!
Kendra: You seem to have found love — what’s your advice for those still seeking a partner in crime?
Carly: It may seem to take a while, but hang in there. I truly believe there is the perfect person out there for everyone. You don’t have to compromise, your Geek Charming awaits!
Bryan: Just be yourself! That is the one thing that I think most people tend to forget and don’t do. If the person you are with doesn’t appreciate who you are then they aren’t the right one for you. Never try to be someone you aren’t as it would be unfair to the other individual and most importantly unfair to yourself. Never be afraid of who you are as an individual, it’s one of the most important things you have.
Kendra: What’s the best and worst part about dating a geek, either overall or with one another?
Carly: Hmmm… I think the worst part is sharing toys, or finding a place to display our collectibles! We have a lot of differing interests with fandoms so it makes it entertaining when it comes to decorating. Best part, always having someone to go do that crazy, fun, off the wall thing with. Knowing they’re gonna camp out with you in the Hall H line, run across the con floor to get that exclusive you wanted, stand by and hold the camera while you are fangirling over Loki, or share snacks during the Edgar Wright marathon at the movies. I get to be with my best friend all the time, only it’s better than a best friend.
Bryan: The best part is having a partner in crime, having someone to talk with and geek out with about everything. Having discussions that others would find irritating or uninteresting ends up being fantastic and amazing to us and we at times just go on and on with that particular subject. Worst part? That one is difficult but maybe it’s deciding who has the better toys. Carly clearly wins with her Loki figure from Sideshow Collectibles.
Kendra: Do you have any theme for the wedding like The Walking Dead, Doctor Who, Star Wars…?
Carly: We keep tossing ideas around for the wedding, but haven’t come up with anything set as of yet. I keep telling him we need to lock it down! I’ve always wanted to wear a dress like Mina’s in Dracula. We’ve discussed Doctor Who, but he’s more of a fan. Other ideas tossed around have been A Christmas Story, Star Trek, and just your basic free-for-all come in cosplay.
Bryan: You should also ask to see Carly’s ring.
Note: It’s above, in case you somehow missed it.
Social Lives Icon: The Big Bang Theory
The couple dynamics in The Big Bang Theory are clear and simple and that’s why I love them. You have the traditional geek with the hot girl, the two brains who are married, the two brains that have made it to hand holding, and then the single friend. What started out as a show about a group of guys obsessing over a “time machine” and Leonard Nimoy has transformed into a show that’s still about a group of fanboys but has added layers to who they are by incorporating actual relationships and the reality of them. They aren’t always perfect, and it’s fascinating to see how they deal with them as the show progresses — like with any show, only one week the conflict may be that the girls are upset their guys are freaking out over Comic-Con tickets instead of “grown up” things like anniversaries and whatnot. If only they would introduce a gay character or two — that’s a special note to Chuck Lorre if he comes across this.
Next week we’ll get even more advice as we sit down and pick the brain of Dina “Lady Steam” Kampmeyer of Single Geeks LA.