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Movie Review: The Expendables

August 16, 2010 at 8:00 pm
Christopher Bohler
Off

ex01Director: Sylvester Stallone
Screenplay: Dave Callaham and Sylvester Stallone
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, David Zayas, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke, and Bruce Willis
Rated: R

When I was a kid I would imagine all of my favorite action stars in the same movie. It would have the ridiculousness of Commando, the explosions of Die Hard, and the fight scenes of Enter the Dragon. It would be so action-packed that any movie theater not built to withstand a 6.5 earthquake would crumble during the final reel. The Expendables isn’t that movie, but it’s as close as I’ll ever get. Well, until the sequel, anyway.

ex05

There’s a plot, sorta — it’s more of an excuse to have Stallone and company fight a small army. The Expendables are a team of mercenaries with goofy fake names like Lee Christmas and Hale Caesar. In what can only be called “The Planet Hollywood Scene” because of the not so secret cameos of Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stallone accepts a job that pits his team of action stars against the dictator of a tiny island nation and his AA-12 fodder, err, I mean his military. The catch is that the dictator, played by David Zayas of Dexter, is being coached and funded by a bigger baddie with some muscle of his own.

ex04

Stallone gives himself the meatiest role as the mercenary who realizes that his own humanity might be salvaged. There’s one scene between Mickey Rourke and Stallone that contains a surprising bit of drama (mostly from Rourke), and gives Stallone his motivation for the rest of movie. Jason Statham is once again playing Jason Statham. Jet Li has some of the funniest parts of the movie by playing up his size in comparison to his teammates. Terry Crews and Randy Couture are relegated to background characters, although Couture is given a little more to do. Perhaps the only actual character arc in the movie goes to Dolph Lundgren. Yeah, Ivan Drago. He plays an ex-Expendable who’s looking for a bit of revenge for being let go and he’s clearly having a great time. Lundgren is easily my favorite part of the movie.

ex03

The action is over the top, but it misses the mark on a couple of points — and they’re kind of important ones. The fight scenes are a too frantic. There are too many cuts and close-ups that distract from the fights. If you’ve got Jet Li and Randy Couture in a movie, you should take advantage of their ability to fight without camera tricks. The other complaint I have is the bad guys. There are only three bad guys that present a real threat to our mercenary heroes, but there are five heroes. I know the bad guys don’t stand a chance, but I wanna think that they’re gonna present a real challenge. I just didn’t feel it.

ex02

The humor is really obvious, but that’s not a complaint. The Expendables is cheesy and so is the humor. It’s kinda perfect like that. This whole review is fluff, but here’s what you need to know: A whole bunch of stuff explodes (including people), there are fights, a neck-break that’ll make you cringe, knives, ridiculous guns, two really pretty women, and more testosterone than has ever been in theaters. Drink a beer, eat a steak, and watch The Expendables. It’ll put hair on your chest.

Rating: 4 / 5 Stars

bruce willis, jason statham, Mickey Rourke, movies-, Reviews, Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables

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About the Author
Christopher Bohler was doomed to geekdom from birth. Named after the legendary horror icon, Christopher Lee, his parents ensured his nerdity with Star Wars toys, comics, and oh so many books.

At a young age, Bohler was adopted by a Zenith television set. He's watched just about anything and everything that isn't a reality show. Lil' Bohler's childhood hero was Bill Bixby and he had dreams of being a paleontologist and working with the likes of Robert Bakker. Sadly, something went horribly wrong. Instead of becoming a future scientist, he chose to become an English major with an emphasis on creative writing.

In between there and here, Bohler has managed his father's comic book store, worked at the Battlestar Galactica prop auction, and won a game of Connect Four. Some of his favorite things are Bruce Campbell, tater tots, theoretical physics, Twin Peaks, Farscape, zombies, costuming, and the occasional video game. Bohler loves books, music, movies, comics, video games and above all else... television (it's the future of storytelling, just look at Lost).

Christopher currently lives in Atlanta, GA (sorta) and when he's not in front of a TV, he's working, writing, or drinking. Check out his non-fandom blog, damnitbohler.com, for his adventures into bad taste. If you feel the need you can reach him at bohler@damnitbohler.com.
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