TV Review: Smallville 9.03 – “Rabid”
Episode: Smallville 9.03 – “Rabid”
Original Air Date: October 9, 2009
Screencaps by Home of the Nutty.
This week, we break from the usual formula and start with a Fringe-type teaser: Clark wakes up in a strange laboratory (strange laboratories seem to have become an ongoing obsession with Smallville‘s writers), and things are definitely wrong. Somebody has been using a Kryptonite filled syringe to pierce Clark’s skin and do who knows what to him. Clark seems a bit disoriented but realizes his phone is ringing. He reads a text message from Oliver Queen: “I lost her.”
“Lois,” declares Clark, and rushes to the Daily Planet. The streets are deserted. It looks like the apocalypse. Clark enters the Daily Planet’s office and finds Lois making copies. She turns around and reveals that Smallville‘s makeup team knows how to make a decent zombie. The zombified Lois attacks Clark just in time to cut to commercial.
On the flip side of the commercial break, we start out “12 hours earlier” with Clark and Lois at the Planet, settling in for an evening of monitoring police scanners and chasing ambulances. Clark spots reports of an out of control motor cycle speeding all over Metropolis. He rushes out to discover that it’s Oliver, and Oliver’s bad boy phase is getting worse. Oliver is having trouble coping with the death of Jimmy Olsen. Clark tells him to stop being such a wimp and get back into the green tights, but Oliver isn’t ready for a morality lecture.
So Oliver takes off on his motorcycle to continue being a sexy bad boy while we check in on the Luthor Mansion. Tess and her minions are trying to figure out how to track down Major Zod and his army (here’s a hint: look for people wearing green muscle shirts and dog tags) when a bunch of zombies attack the mansion. Her bodyguards, as always, drop like flies, leaving Tess to fight them off herself. She’s successful, but not before getting bitten.
Clark and Lois head to the hospital, giving them a chance to practice some Lois and Clark banter (these actors actually do have pretty good chemistry, so it’s not as annoying as you might think). Tess has been hospitalized, and they try to ask her what happened. But she has already been zombified. One other thing I noticed in this scene: Dr. Hamilton seems to have quit his position as head intern at the hospital. Or perhaps it was just his day off. The point is that some other random doctor is in charge.
But don’t worry if you’re a Doctor Hamilton fan. We get to seen him in the very next scene: he walks in on Chloe doing some secret computer stuff. He tries to ask her what she’s doing, but she shoots him down with, “if you don’t want secrets, you’re in the wrong business.” Dr. Hamilton thinks Chloe should stop shoveling the BS, but he doesn’t have a chance to say so. Clark arrives to discuss why everyone is turning into zombies. Dr. Hamilton speculates that it’s a virus that effects the part of the brain that controls our fight or flight mechanism. Clark super-speeds Dr. Hamilton over to the hospital so he can ask the medical staff what they know. Dr. Hamilton is like, “hey, mysterious new guy. I used to have your job. What can you tell me?”
Meanwhile, Clark goes over to the Daily Planet to check up on Lois. The Planet has been overrun by zombies (apparently, before being taken to the hospital, Tess ran around biting all her employees). The ensuing zombie fighting scene is pretty good if you’re into zombie movies. The important thing is that Lois gets bitten.
Now it’s time for the obligatory scene with a shirtless Oliver. Oliver has seduced the police officer that tried to arrest him for speeding. In the process of looking all hot and sexy (this is a CW show) and trying to figure out the mysterious bad boy rich guy, she reveals that Oliver is still in love with Tess. She also accidentally discovers that his belt buckle contains a miniature camera. Oliver claims he didn’t know it was there, but of course the police officer doesn’t believe him. She tells him not to call or email. Oliver is like, “I never do.” OH SNAP!
After she storms off, Oliver speculates that it must be Tess spying on him.
Meanwhile, back at the tower, Chloe and Dr. Hamilton have been busy figuring out this virus thing. Chloe has isolated the enzyme but hasn’t found a match from the CDC database. Dr. Hamilton recognizes the enzyme. He saw a similar one in Davis Bloomer (AKA Doomsday). It’s a Kryptonian virus.
The virus, it turns out, makes the victim fall asleep, then it does its magic thing, and the victim wakes up as a zombie. We can debate whether this is a great or horrible plot device, but the point is that, whatever happens, we have to make sure Lois doesn’t fall asleep.
Back at the Daily Planet, Lois is convinced everyone is going to die, so she wants to play truth or dare (but without the dare part). She confesses to Clark that she is falling in love with the Blur. Clark is about to tell her that the audience can only take so much exposition before they’ll get bored, when Oliver shows up.
It turns out there is a scintilla of the former hero in Oliver. Only a scintilla, of course, because he shows up drunk and high on pills and he hasn’t shaved for days, but a scintilla is better than nothing. He’s got a shotgun, too. So, he’s got that going for him.
So Oliver promises to keep Lois safe and keep her awake while Clark goes to the Tower to help Chloe and Dr. Hamilton. We now know why Clark woke up with a Kryptonite filled syringe. They are going to use the Kryptonite to penetrate Clark’s skin and get some blood samples. With his Kryptonian blood, they will be able to formulate an antidote.
Clark and Lois say goodbye in a way that makes it obvious to anyone watching (Oliver and us audience members) that the pair is totally in love.
So Clark heads to Chloe’s tower, passes out during the extraction of his blood, and Dr. Hamilton and Chloe head to the corporate jet so they can make an antidote. Meanwhile Oliver and Lois are holed up in the elevator so the zombies can’t get them. Of course, Oliver is not the hero he used to be, so while he is indulging in some soul searching (and pill popping), Lois falls asleep, awakens as a zombie, and runs off. We now know the reason Oliver texted Clark that “I lost her.”
So now we have caught up with the original scene. Lois attacks Clark. They tumble out into the street, and Clark holds her down. Meanwhile, Chloe and Dr. Hamilton have seeded the clouds with their antidote, and the rain washes away Lois’ zombie disease. So that’s the end, right?
Wait, we still have ten minutes left: just enough time to tie down some loose ends. What secret was Chloe keeping from Dr. Hamilton, will Oliver ever shape up, and where did the Kryptonian virus come from?
The answer to Chloe’s secret is that she has been keeping track of the other League members. The camera in Oliver’s belt wasn’t from Tess; it was Chloe. She thinks that sometimes the people who need saving the most are the people who save us. So, she’s keeping tabs on these people because, like Oliver, they got issues. Dr. Hamilton seems to buy it… for now.
Clark talks to Oliver and leaves thinking that Oliver is going to put the green tights on again. Instead, when Clark leaves, Oliver burns them. Apparently he decided he’s not a hero after all.
Regarding the virus, we find out that the doctor from the hospital is one of those Kryptonian soldiers from Kandor. We know this because in the final scene he’s wearing a green muscle shirt and dog tags. He meets up with Major Zod, explaining that he had to release the Kryptonian virus in order to flush out any other Kryptonians that might be hiding among the humans. It worked. He shows the S insignia, (for anyone new to the Superman mythos, the S doesn’t stand for Superman. It’s actually the coat of arms of the house of El. The similarity to our letter “S” is coincidence).
Zod assumes that Jor-El is on Earth, not realizing that Clark is actually Jor-El’s son. Zod is really jealous that Clark has the superpowers while he and the rest of his army don’t. He also didn’t like this soldier going rogue, even if he did dig up some juicy information. So Zod kills the doctor/Kryptonian soldier, they play a little creepy music, and we are all excited to see next week’s installment.
Rating: 3 / 5 Stars
