Lost‘s sixth and final season debuted this week with a bucketload of suspense, new questions, and more confusion in time and space. Regardless of where or when you might find yourself in the Lost universe, one thing’s for certain: You don’t want to be on the Lost island. The island Jacob and the Dharma Initiative call home isn’t the only sketchy, water-surrounded landmass, though. Another timely example is Shutter Island, which hits theaters later this month. Here’s a look at ten islands you’d be best advised to avoid.
10. Gilligan’s Island (Gilligan’s Island)
You’re probably not going to be in imminent danger if you find that your ship has set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, but do you really want to be stranded for uncountable seasons of syndication with Gilligan and Thurston?
9. Fantasy Island (Fantasy Island)
The original Fantasy Island, run by a Ricardo Montalban-played Mr. Roarke, looked like it might be a fun place to check out. Sure, there would be occasional peril and ubiquitous moral lessons throughout your vacation, but you were pretty much assured to get home in one piece. Once Malcolm McDowell took over the role, all bets were off. If Fyvush Finkel’s mysterious travel agent books you a flight to the new and improved Fantasy Island, you can bet you’re gonna get messed up but good.
8. Genosha (X-Men)
Originally an island nation that enslaved mutants, Genosha became a mutant haven once Magneto took over. Things looked just peachy for the sixteen million mutants that inhabited the little island north of Madagascar until Professor Xavier’s alien twin sister decided to nuke the place with her mega-Sentinels. Rubble and millions of crispy mutants ensued.
7. Azkaban (Harry Potter series)
As long as no Dark Lords are on the rise and all the crazy bad guys are locked up, the wizard prison of Azkaban might be a fine place for a Hogwarts field trip. Once Voldy starts painting the sky with skulls and snakes, though, you’d better stay off this North Sea island, lest a soul-sucking Dementor try to lay a big sloppy kiss on you.
6. Soldier Island (And Then There Were None)
If you ever accept an invitation from a stranger to come party it up on a remote and creepy island, you’re pretty much asking for trouble. And you probably deserve it if you accept said invitation from a Mr. and Mrs. U. N. Owen, as do the ten unlucky folks who end up on Soldier Island.
5. Isla Nublar (Jurassic Park)
Dinosaurs, alive and well on an island 120 miles from Costa Rica! What’s not awesome about that? Aside from the hordes of velociraptors and the hungry T-Rex just dying to take a chomp out of you, I mean. Well, even then.
4. Harper’s Island (Harper’s Island)
Remember what I said about accepting invitations to parties on remote islands? That goes double for parties on islands that are famous for being a serial killer’s stomping grounds. I mean, really, who would go to a place like that, much less get married there?
3. Island of Dr. Moreau (The Island of Dr. Moreau)
Scenario: You shipwreck. Bad! You are picked up by a ship and taken to a nearby island. Good! The island is overrun with beastly creatures and ruled by a strange and wicked scientist whose favorite hobby is vivisection. Do I even need to say “bad” again?
2. R’lyeh (Cthulhu Mythos)
Located in the most remote point of the Pacific Ocean, R’lyeh is an underwater city that rises from the deep when the stars align just right. What’s better than a hidden Atlantean wonder-island? How about the slumbering god Cthulhu, napping in a gigantic temple there until he decides to stretch his legs, drive you insane, and eat your cerebellum?
1. Lost Island (Lost)
We’ve looked at islands with murderous histories, islands full of strange beasts, and islands that seem to exist for the sole purpose of driving people mad. But what happens when you throw all those together and add in wacky magnetic properties and a propensity for the whole frickin’ island to jump through time and space? You get the big daddy of all the islands you never ever want to visit, Lost‘s as-yet-unnamed globetrotting setting.
Honorable Mention: Pulau Tiga (Survivor)
Pulau Tiga gets an honorable mention because, while it’s a real life paradise that would be fantastic for a vacation most of the time, you do not want to be stuck there for a whole TV season with Richard Hatch and Susan Hawk. Believe me.