TV Review: True Blood 4.04 – “I’m Alive and On Fire”

Episode: True Blood 4.04 – “I’m Alive and On Fire”
Original Air Date: July 17, 2011

Sookie gets Alcide to help her hunt for Eric. Marnie searches for guidance from her newfound spirit and gets it at the cost of being in more trouble. Bill discovers that this show is trying to turn into a Game of Thrones of the modern era. Jason gets free of Crystal and the rest of her crazy clan, but at what cost? Sam learns more about Luna. Arlene finds her two other kids just in time for some crazy demon baby business to go down. Tommy continues to be dumb and do dumb things.

Fairy blood turns out to be an intoxicant for vampires. And Drunk!Eric is also Awesome!Eric. He runs around Sookie, playing a little grab ass much to her chagrin, and ASkars makes millions fall in love with him just a little bit more. Insert dreamy sigh here and play the intro.

Bill has noticed that Eric still hasn’t returned his calls, so he heads over to Fangtasia to have a pissing contest with Pam. Bet you can’t guess who won. She gets a good dig on him, asking/telling him that he likes the feel of that crown he’s wearing. I kinda wanted there to be an actual crown when they panned back to Bill just because that character has gotten so ridiculous this season it would totally work.

Just when you think the horror show that is Hot Shot and Jason getting gang raped was never going to end, Becky is shoved into the shed for her turn by Uncle/Daddy/Brother/Cousin Luther. As much as I hate to admit that anything about this entire storyline has been entertaining, the line “Breed, Ghost Daddy, breed!” made me laugh and I totally just want to stick my head into random doorways and yell this at people. Anyhow, back to less amusing things, Becky doesn’t want to do this (which you could tell when it all started), and neither she nor Jason wants to die in that crap hole, so she cuts him loose and they wish each other luck.

Nan’s hardcore. I think it’s because she’s been rocking those shoulder pads since whenever she was human. Anyhow, here she reminds Bill who the real power is (hint: it’s not Bill), and that she’s disgusted by the decision to send Eric after a bunch of hippie Wiccans. She doesn’t believe that there are necromancers of the caliber of the one that made the Inquisition and jumping to conclusions will lead to another Salem Witch Hunt. I absolutely love these references and connections, and I feel like the witch story line will hopefully turn out much more entertaining than Maryann’s story line. Also, I love how snarky Nan is with Bill. Someone needs to put him in his place and she’s got the fangs to do it right now.

Marnie’s taking a little witch nap and dreams of her witch spirit friend being burnt at the stake during the Inquisition. Hmmm. Could this be the very witch Nan was referring to? Yeah, I think so too.

Sookie calls up Alcide to help her find Eric, who’s gone missing again, this time during the day. So. Alcide. Clearly sculpted out of marble by Michelangelo. I’m pretty sure I passed out from that heat. Wow. Yeah. All I’ve got is a bunch of monosyllabic words and non-words made up of vowels. At any rate, I like that both Sookie and Alcide are very much caregivers and are willing to help even when they don’t think it’s a good idea.

Tommy’s gone missing after his blow up with Sam the other day, and Maxine is convinced Sam had something to do with it. She heads over to Merlotte’s to confront him about it and Sam disarms her pretty quick by staying calm and level headed and not fighting back with her but agreeing with her. She leaves in a bit of a huff about it, but this is a seriously different Sam Merlotte. While most of the characters didn’t seem to have changed over the past year, this is definitely a change.

Hot Shot continues to be Creepsville, USA. Uncle/Daddy/Brother Felton tries to get details out of Becky of her supposed first time and quickly discovers she did not do what she was supposed to. I’m wondering why she stuck around, even though I know why, and I hope she gets out of that place soon.

The Three Stooges convince Marnie to try something, ANYTHING, to reverse what happened to Eric. I don’t think whatever they come up with is going to work. Just saying.

Alcide finds Eric swimming in a gator infested lake, still drunk off his pale Viking rear end. As much as I love cold Eric, I have to admit I’m enjoying carefree/puppy dog Eric a lot. Especially when he starts speaking Swedish. Dude. I also really enjoyed the growl-off Eric and Alcide had before the fairy blood started wearing off.

Inbreeding might not be the reason the Hot Shot werepanthers are dying out. It might be because they keep pressing that canned panther growl every 30 seconds when they’re out stalking. Just throwing it out there. Oh, and Jason goes all Dutch from Predator and tries to hide his scent and goes on the offensive.

Found Tommy. He ran off to meet up with his Ma, who totally works his need for her love and approval like a champ manipulator. She tells Tommy that she left Joe Lee (again) for good (again), and he believes her because she’s laying on the “I’m so proud you can read now!” real thick. This feels like a bad set up, but I don’t trust that woman as far as I could throw her.

Sam surprises Luna at her house for some sexy time. Luna surprises Sam with her sassypants daughter. I like this character.

Just checking in. Yup, Jason’s still running from the werepanthers with the canned panther growl.

Sookie finally gets Eric down in his cubby and he’s very childlike and adorable and holy Moses if Sookie is going to pass that up I will totally bleach the blue and green out of my hair and go blonde to step in for her. Topside, Alcide expresses his concern and dislike for this entire situation. Sookie points out that he could stop judging her anytime now since she’s not judging him for shacking up with Crazy McOutofhermind Deb. And he agrees. This is followed up by the most awkward hug you’ll see outside of Harry Potter 7.5, but I give it a pass as I totally want to bury my face in that chest because I’m convince all of life’s questions are answered within it.

Speaking of women with crazy eyes, Crystal is well beyond our comprehension of crazy. Jason kills Felton, Crystal shows up and is all “Oh, baby! Now we can be together forever and rule the Clan of the Canned Werepanther Growls forever!!” and Jason’s all “I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU TOUCH ME!” So he runs off and she’s all, “Call me! Full moon! Tee hee!” Dude. Okay, this is why incest is frowned upon. It breeds insanity on a level that breaks the mold. I don’t think he’s done with Hot Shot, if only for the fact that I can’t see him leaving Becky there since he is very much a caregiver like Sookie.

Portia. Way to keep it professional and just about sex. You slept with him once and you bring him to meet the family? Granted, he is pretty rich and all, but still. One time? The Bellefleur matriarch turns out to be Mona from Who’s the Boss and I totally lost my crap because I used to love watching that show as a kid because of her. Yeah, that had nothing to do with this show. Moving on!

Turns out that Luna’s ex and the father of her child is a werewolf. A werewolf that stalks her, apparently. Sam doesn’t seem bothered by this and is still working on getting laid. It was kinda creepy. There wasn’t a moment where he seemed worried for Luna and loads of moments where he seemed all “Hey, baby”. That was weird.

The witches head over to the magic shop that Buffy and the Scoobs used to hang out in to search the books for the right spell. They come up with nada and time is running out. As soon as Marnie starts to whine about how she needs her spirit’s help, a book flies out opened to the “right” spell.

Deb finds out Alcide had been shifting and asks him about it. He tells her the truth of what he had been doing (helping Sookie), and Deb claims there’s no problems with him helping her out. Yeah, Alcide, no problems there because it’s not like she’s still Crazy McOutofhermind Deb or anything! Run for your life, man!

Riddle me this: is necrophilia better than incest in Bon Temps, because you’re already making it with a dead body when you’re doing a vamp, does it really matter that it’s your great-great-great-great grandfather too at this point? In a more serious question, didn’t Bill mention in S1 that his family was related to the Bellefleurs so why is this all of the sudden a surprise?

Arlene’s other kids finally make an appearance! Just in time for some seriously spooky goings on. So which is haunted — Mikey or that creeptastic doll?

Back at Sookie’s, Eric is lamenting the fact that he’s never going to see the sun again. Sookie attempts to make him feel better and they are so close to kissing, when Eric senses that someone is at the door. Sookie goes to check it out and tells him to stay there.

And it’s Bill, the biggest c-blocker in the world. He claims he’s looking for Eric, but I find that dubious considering where he just came from. He tries to strong arm his way into the house, and Sookie is surprisingly adamant that he not go in there because there’s nothing for him to look for. She reminds him that she’s never lied to him, so what reason does he have to doubt her, and he almost doesn’t buy it but then does and leaves. This is very interesting that she would use that in order to protect Eric from a tenuous threat at best as far as she knows. However, it was also interesting to see Bill consider crossing that threshold. Even though she’s obviously lying out her ass, if he’s crossed that line I don’t think there would have been a possibility for her to ever love him or have feelings for him again. Him not doing it ensures that there will be a proper lover’s triangle later on.

Stumbling his way out of the woods, Jason passes out on the side of the road and is saved by Hoyt and Jessica. I wonder if Jessica’s blood will do anything strange with the werepanther mojo he’s got brewing in his system.

Surprise! The Mickenses are messed up beyond coming back. Melinda totally hosed Tommy so Joe Lee could snag him, literally with a chain, so he can never escape again and be trained “right”. Two things: 1) At least Joe Lee had pants on. There are few concessions you could probably get from the Mickens, so the fact that he’s wearing pants is worth pointing out. and 2) Uh, so why didn’t Tommy shapeshift into something to get out of the chain that was choking the life out of him? That was dumb and I don’t care that if he had shifted there’d be no Mickens story. At this point, there really needs to be no Mickens story.

To wrap the episode up, Marnie tries to help reverse the spell on Eric, but the spirit of the witch takes over and curses Pam and I will totally kick that witch in her dumb face for messing with Pam. She made Pam’s face peel off! They better fix that because Pam needs to be her fierce self and then kill Marnie because that character has seriously already become boring. Unless, she becomes Possessed!Marnie from here on out. Also, can someone please explain why Pam would be threatened by a human wielding a gun with a wooden bullet when vampires move as fast as they do?

Rating: 4/5