Oscars: Judging the Movies by the Trailers

When it comes to movies, I don’t care if Ebert gives it his well-known two thumbs up or if it was a hit at a film festival. I won’t see a movie just because it’s a Blockbuster, “must-see.” I like my movies to be either a coming of age tale, hilarious, animated, or starring some major eye candy — Ryan Gosling, Channing Tatum, and Charlie Day, for example. Nowhere in the past year did I take to any of the films that have managed to entertain, amaze, and move moviegoers. So that leads me to this. I thought it’d be interesting to give you a rundown of the nine nominees for the Best Picture at the upcoming Oscars based solely on their trailers and then let you know if I think they have a chance of taking home the gold in my life and at the Oscars.

Amour

Trailer Rundown: Okay, first off it’s in another language and probably only for people who live for the Tribeca Film Festival and Sundance every year. The movie seems to be about two people in love or something, but it’s about the relationship between the dad and the daughter in therapy. I am going to guess that they are trying to get over the death of the mother.

Will I Ever See It? No, I don’t want to read a movie. If there’s a book form in English, I’ll check it out after I’m done reading the backlog of books on my coffee table. So give me about two years and get back to me.

Chances of it Winning:Not likely because if it did, people would be confused as to what just won.

Argo

Trailer Rundown: A Political Science major’s wet dream in movie form. It stars familiar faces in roles that are far from the ones I love. Why are Hal from Malcolm in the Middle and Dan from Roseanne hanging out with Ben Affleck? But I like the fact that it’s based on a true story; that gives it a little more oomph. It seems like a long drama, but intense at times since it’s about sneaking people out of a country.

Will I Ever See It? Being a true story I could just hit up Wiki, but I’d Redbox this one on a Friday night if my wedding shows on TLC were reruns. It seems worth the $1 and change.

Chances of it Winning: One of the top three in the running because it’s historical, tells a good story, and it has John Goodman. Okay, that just might be the selling point for me.

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Trailer Rundown: Was this ever in theaters? It stars a cute little girl who may or may not be a hoodrat. I’m not too sure what was ever going on with the plot. Was this set in the aftermath of a hurricane? This movie’s trailer raises way more questions than answers, so it makes you want to see it. Tricky movie trailer makers, you’re so sneaky.

Will I Ever See It?Not anytime soon. There’s no need in my life for it. Not being able to fully grasp the story in the trailer might make others want to investigate, but it just bored me.

Chances of it Winning: Slim. Probably like 10% of the people voting for the Oscars even saw it.

Django Unchained

Trailer Rundown: Slaves, Quentin Tarantino’s take on slaves. Jamie Foxx, aka The Soloist, is a slave and he wants his wife back from Jack from Titanic. It has action, jokes, and is like Roots taken up a notch and made for a younger crowd that cares less about the historical facts of slavery, and more about being entertained by them. Also, Jonah Hill’s in it — well, that was a surprise.

Will I Ever See It? Yes, most definitely. If it wasn’t such a long movie and if I hadn’t spent all my movie ticket money on Perks of Being a Wallflower, I would’ve seen it in theaters. I’ll live waiting for it on DVD though.

Chances of it Winning: It’d be a surprise, but not a big one, but I don’t think this will be Tarantino’s year.

Les Misérables

Trailer Rundown: It’s a story that’s been told numerous times before just being retold with a new cast and a bigger budget. Hugh Jackman goes to jail. Anne Hathaway is looking rough. It looks like a really drawn out movie with an incessant amount of singing. Russell Crowe’s singing isn’t the business. Also, stop casting Amanda Seyfried in movies that involve close ups.

Will I Ever See It? Nope. The only musicals I like have high school settings: Grease and High School Musical.

Chances of it Winning: Chances are very high for this one because it’d be a pretty predictable win.

Life of Pi

Trailer Rundown: So this movie is based on the story a guy is telling about what happened to him, and we’re supposed to believe that he was lost at sea and survived with a super CGI tiger. The best part of the movie may as well be the sloth.

Will I Ever See It? Oh lord no. I’m not against computer animated movies. I mean I love all the Chipmunk ones dearly, but this isn’t for me. My grandma tried really hard at Christmas for someone to go with her and even the idea of free snacks wasn’t enough to get me to go.

Chances of it Winning: Pi will win all the visuals, but it won’t take the big one.

Lincoln

Trailer Rundown: It’s a story we all know the ending to; well, if you’ve paid any attention to the basics of US history. Daniel Day-Lewis is as attractive as Lincoln was. Spielberg directed it, so it has potential. Could the man behind The Goonies do wrong? Nope.

Will I Ever See It? Definitely. Lincoln is one of my historical crushes, so the fangirl in me alone will wait patiently for this to hit that Redbox. Plus the movie does look really good, even if I can guess the ending…

Chances of it Winning: Put your money on this one. Like Argo, it’s historical, but this one’s the story of one of the coolest dudes ever. Plus, again, Daniel Day-Lewis is a hottie.

Silver Linings Playbook

Trailer Rundown: This looks like one of those movies that are on early Saturday morning on TBS that went straight to DVD in 2002. It stars the guy from The Hangover and the darling from The Hunger Games. He’s crazy, she’s crazy and then there’s a dance competition? Okay, you had something going until some Dancing with the Stars twist.

Will I Ever See It? Going to lean towards no because I can’t get past that dance part.

Chances of it Winning: Jennifer Lawrence will be this movie’s highlight win of the night.

Zero Dark Thirty

Trailer Rundown: “’Merica!” Being based on a pretty recent and relevant story to this generation makes it cool I guess. I am glad Jeremy Renner wasn’t in it because then I would’ve just called it The Hurt Locker Part 2. The trailer doesn’t sell it as much as you’d think. This is the tale of killing Osama bin Laden and it (the trailer) falls short. Where’s the badass action of it all?

Will I Ever See It? I’m on the fence with this one. I know it’s an interesting story, and I want to know how much this movie tells, but I wouldn’t keel over dead like bin Laden if I never saw it.

Chances of it Winning: If the people voting really love America, then this one has a win in the bag. Most likely this one will not be walking away the big winner though. It’s just not a story that’s old enough to have that Oscar gold.