Fandom Deathmatch: Betelgeuse vs The Poltergeist
For this Fandom Deathmatch, Lyn reaches beyond the grave for two sets of spooks who know how to fight against the living — but how would they do against each other?
Contestant #1: Betelgeuse (Beetlejuice)
Attributes: He is the “ghost with the most,” though most of what, we really don’t know. An anti-social spirit who specializes in bio-exorcisms willing to rid a location of the living at any price, he’s a cannon for hire by those in the neither world, but unfortunately for them (and us), he’s a loose cannon.
Contestant #2: The Poltergeist (Poltergeist)
Attributes: These spooks were angry not to have a house built on their bodies, but to have their own bodies DUG UP! In any case, they took their rage out on the unknowing family who desecrated their resting place. Though stuck to one specific house, the collective poltergeist is a being more frightening than any Uwe Boll movie.
The Battle
When the idea of the fandom deathmatch was created, it was never expected to be taken literally. Simply put, both of the contestants are already dead — each from different interpretations of “the next world,” but still… conveniently dead. So, for this specific match up, it’ll be more based on which ghost truly HAS the most, in terms of strength, stamina, and overall scare factors.
Let’s just put this out. No matter what, Betelgeuse has style. He may be disgusting, rude, and obnoxious, but somehow people can’t stop liking him. Maybe it’s his blunt nature, or the fact he rarely holds back anything, and yet people are willing to work with him regardless of what it may cost (such as marriage). Juno, his ex-employer, acknowledges that he doesn’t work well with others, thus causing issues when hired. Even so, he is always hired to remove the living from an establishment. Based on Juno’s lack of enthusiasm for his tactics, one can really wonder just how successful he really is. The snake bit is awesome, scary, and dangerous, but it doesn’t get the family out of the house. If anything, it makes them want to stay more.
The bonus goes to the poltergeist, who does not work for anyone but itself. It’s its own business, and it does it its way. Juno would approve. The only hitch to the poltergeist’s actions is the extreme manipulation by the “other one” who simply appears to keep it from the light. Though it’s never specified who this being is, it’s very likely that its influence on the ghosts pushes them from merely moving chairs across the floor to causing demonic toy clowns to attempt to strangle the children of the house. While Betelgeuse is held back by the Maitlands from truly doing harm to anyone, the poltergeist has no one to hold it back. Only circumstances and a protective parent save anyone from the harm that could have come from these devious spooks. Special kudos to them for also making people afraid of televisions, steaks, trees, and clown dolls.
Again, we have to return to the concept of STYLE. While the poltergeist is very efficient in its haunting, utilizing anything around to scare the pants off the family (“Hey, check out the creepy tree in the yard, let’s use that!”), Betelgeuse uses only his own self for all scares, turning himself into a massive snake, or a carnival game. The amount of power Betelgeuse has to accomplish creation of physical objects in the real world is not something to ignore. Simply call his name three times, and he’s practically got you under his power (unless you have a Sand-worm, and that’s not likely). Credit also must be given to Betelgeuse for making every attack against the living his own and, even with a satirical nature, original to his own twisted sense of humor (i.e. putting Otho into a leisure suit as an ‘attack’). Kudos to the guy for straying away from the standard.
The Winner
The winner of this battle falls upon the simple idea of who actually succeeds in their haunting. In the end, the only winner is:
The Poltergeist. Though Betelgeuse has the style, in the end, he fails at his job. The poltergeist not only gets the family out of the house, but the ghosts take the house with them into the next world. What a way to make a point.
