TV Review: True Blood 2.05 – Never Let Me Go
Review: True Blood 2.04 – “Shake and Fingerpop”
Original Air Date: 12 July 2009
Rating: NR/AO (Not Rated/Adults Only)
The screencaps are going to be done by phoenixothon @ capaholic for the rest of the season because, as previously stated, they look awesome and my laziness is legendary.
This episode was a snoozefest. I don’t remember ever watching a show that runs hot and cold with me so often and fast. Basically, this was the episode where damn near every single character turned stupid. Not even the True Blood Drinking Game (take a shot every time someone says “Sookie”) could have saved this one for me. I apologize in advance if this recap puts anyone to sleep and for the extreme lateness of the recap (serious Internet issues all week).
Daphne leads Sam out into the woods, and reveals she DID know Sam’s secret because she’s a shapeshifter too! Am I the only one who saw this coming the second this episode started? By the look on his face, I guess Sam didn’t. Either that, or he dumped in his jeans. This one could go either way. Theme song!
I think it was both. They’ve just started sucking face when War Vet Terry and Arlene stumble upon them. Daphne runs off, Terry looks stoned out of his brain the whole time, then whisks Arlene off, leaving Sam alone in the woods with two problems in his incredibly tight jeans to deal with solo. Can shifters only shift into one kind of animal, or only animals?
Sookie continues to follow Bellhop Barry, freaking him out and ticking him off at the same time. Even he says Dallas vamps are so seriously scary, they give him the hot poops just thinking about them finding out what he can do. He tells Sookie to leave him alone before taking off. Sookie turns around and huffs her way back to the room where Bill is scolding Jessica for ordering the underwear model.
Bill is such an uptight dweeb! He won’t let Jessica order anymore room service OR watch porn on pay-per-view! What kind of torture is this guy pulling on an 18-year old, never been laid, horny vampire girl?! He’s not paying for any of it, and technically she’s an adult.
Then he goes all Father Knows Best on Sookie! Will this man’s puritanical tirade never end? He’s worried about the situation they’re in (i.e., the Fellowship trying to kidnap her and the Dallas vamps being all ca-razy *said while shooting hand-pistols in the air*). Sookie just wants to save a horse and ride a vampire as she’s trying to mount Bill. These two together are about as hot to watch as a sno-cone melting in the sun. Or catching your grandparents making it.
Jessica ends up calling Hoyt (who’s reading a comic book in bed). After he locks his mom out of his room, he ends up telling Jessica all about the comic he’d been reading. Hoyt, will you marry me? Seriously. Call me.
Meanwhile, morning at Camp proves being promoted means you get a quasi-drill sargeant telling you to run, do jumping jacks and push ups. Right off the bat, Jason and the Lukenator have to compete with one another.
Tara wakes up all aglow from the Best Birthday Party EVAR. She tells Eggs abot what a great, truly kind woman Gran was and how she took care of Tara as a child, how she’s so happy to be living in that house beacuse it’s the only place that’s ever felt like home.
After sexing Bill into oblivion (the way he’s wound so tight, that shouldn’t have been very hard), Sookie gets dressed to go harass Bellhop Barry some more. He turns out to be a huge weiner, in personality and ability to control his mind powers. Of course, if I were him and I had told Sookie to make like a tree and she kept pushing me to be BFFs, I’d be a Pissy McCrybaby about the entire situation, too. Kind of like Rogue from the X-Men (comics, not those crummy movies), he’s had way too many other people in his head for way too long. This is the exact opposite of Sam finding out Daphne’s a shifter like him. Barry ends up quitting his job later that day.
She sneaks back in bed with Bill and tells him she found another telepath. Bill’s just so worried about how he’s going to “protect” her. This convo was dumb and Bill “feels like a waitress.” Really? Seriously, watching these two in scenes by themselves is about as fun as eating a stick of butter at this point.
Arlene sure has a bone to pick with Daphne, as they bicker with each other at Merlotte’s. Also, War Vet Terry isn’t as hot-to-trot for Arlene as he was at the party the night before. Daphne and Sam are flirting a little when Lafayette breezes in looking all gussied up. Everyone’s happy to see he’s back (especially Terry) and he asks Sam to talk with him privately. Something funny’s going on with Lafayette — even Sam notices it. Although, for a guy who spends a lot of his time as a dog, he’s not very good at picking up scents. All Lafayette does is quietly ask if he can have his job back. Sam gives it to him and asks him what happened. Lafayette just turns around and walks out the door.
Back at Camp, Jason and Luke are still marking their territory to see who’s got leadership material and who doesn’t. Turns out, Jason’s the real soldier of God in this round.
Jesus, this show’s half over and Tara finally makes it downstairs to see that Maryann’s planning on staying in Sookie’s house with her. Tara’s got her smarts back for a whole two seconds, and tells Maryann moving into Sookie’s house isn’t an option. She gets into it with Eggs about it, and he deals the lowest of low blows by saying she has no concept of what family’s supposed to be. Her response was just bad writing, in my opinion. Adding the “sorta … kinda” at the end of her saying she does know made her character sound dumb and we all know she’s really not. I don’t like where this character is going.
We finally get to meet a couple of the Dallas vamps and OMG, what the hell is Sookie wearing? She has the most atrociously ridiculous outfits.
The Dallas vamps aren’t in agreement on anything, let alone if the Fellowship are responsible for Godric’s disappearance. Eric thinks both of them, all of them actually, are idiots.
At the Newlin house, there’s trouble in paradise. The Rev and Drill Sargent are putting something into action and keeping Mrs. Newlin out of the loop. She is not happy about it (she used the word “darn,” people — she means business). If she doesn’t jump Jason by the end of this episode, she’ll probably kill her husband. The woman’s repressed!
The Rev shows Jason that the Fellowship has been doing a bit of R&D on how to kill vamps, as a reward for doing so good that day. Rev is a little too enthusiastic about killing vamps, while Jason seems to just be digging the RPG and flamethrower. I’ve been asking for one of those for Christmas for the past six years, and my parents never get me one.
Maryann works some magic outside of Merlotte’s, turning it into Butthurt Central. Everyone starts snapping at each other, especially at Tara. Once Maryann has put enough pressure on Tara to make her crack like War Vet Terry trying to choose between sautéed garlic and roasted garlic, she and Karl take off. That royal-sized bitch is one stiletto heel in the eye away from SWF’ing Tara.
Damn, just had to wait five minutes! If she had gills, her face would have been down there in a heartbeat. Of course, she prefaces her Hand of Glory trick with the story of Mary Magdalene. Jason wants to do the “right’ thing by God, I really believe that at this point, but he’s just too stupid to realize the Fellowship is NOT the place where people go to do right.
Back in Dallas, the vamps are still having a hissy fit with one another. Sookie finally tells them she’ll just infiltrate the Fellowship. She sure is getting ballsy with the vamps lately. Predictably, Bill thinks that’s an awful idea and Eric thinks it’s perfect. Rhinestone Cowboy Vamp thinks it’s all a wast of time and slaps on a cowboy hat before leaving. Muy Caliente Vamp agrees that it’s the best way to find out if they have Godric.
Bill has to have words with Eric about all this and we get the best part of the episode: The part where we find out I guessed right about Godric being Eric’s maker! AND the hottest dying Viking scene ever (they weren’t speaking English in the flashback — yes, it really is that easy with me). Also, turns out Godric is one of the Lost Boys straight out of the Bizarro World version of Never Never Land.
Daphne and Sam do it after sniffing each other all animal like. All I could think was that people use that table to play pool and now it’s going to be sticky. Before that, they mention werewolves and I wonder if we’ll ever get to see them.
Tara makes it back to Sookie’s and … W T F is Maryann wearing? Did she dig through Gran’s things and steal her clothes? Tara caves to Maryann. Without question. I mean, “Hey, why you wearing Sookie’s Gran’s clothes?” would have been a good one to start with. At least she didn’t dig the old lady up and Buffalo Bill her.
The episode ends with more of Sookie and Bill being boring in bed. Even those two having sex is boring. You know, when he’s not Pregoing her (new term, I’ll let you figure it out). Right before the end credits, Bill’s maker waltzes down the hall and pops her fangs at the sound of Sookie saying Bill’s name.
July 27th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Man, I totally didn’t recognize Lorena. I didn’t even remember what she looked like except that she was brunette — and I’m usually awesome with faces! And I didn’t remember her name either, and I’m usually awesome with those too!
Also, YES to Godric being some weird tribal Peter Pan, haha.
July 27th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I was surprised I DID recognize her because I’m the opposite! My brother, who’s like you, was all “Who the heck’s that supposed to be?” After last night’s ep, holy cow, she’s one seriously bad mama jamma!
I hope we get to see Godric again, because he seemed *very* interesting in that little flashback. :)
July 27th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Summer,
Thanks for doing the recap — it was so much more enjoyable than the actual episode. Thank god last night’s episode kicked ass.
And yep, the town’s gone all stupid. They really should start drinking bottled water or something, ‘cuz it’s either in the local watersupply or in the air. There are times that I really miss Rene this season. He always seemed to be the voice of reason (and what a voice — I loved his accent, made me want to be foreign or something). Too bad he was a sociopathic serial killer. Sure he had issues, but other people get to murder and they just get pouted at by Sookie. Instead he’s the martyr and his head’s whacked off with a shovel. I would have voted for counseling.
I’m not sure if Godric turned Eric to join him in adventures in the true Peter Pan sense, or if it was the Michael Jackson version of Peter Panish “adventures.” Probably a bit of both. But tribal tattoos are sooo 2006.
July 27th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
One more thing — Pregoing had better catch on. The term — not the act itself.
July 30th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Ha!!! you said it Snoozefest indeed!!!
The only think was exciting was Eric got really pissed and throw a vase….